Its been an incredible 105 days (almost 106) in Tanzania. Its unreal that I'm leaving to go back to the U.S. tomorrow. So much has happened and I'v had so many incredible experiences and memories. Time has FLOWN by and every-time i look back through my journal or blog posts Im surprised that time has gone by this fast and the amount of crazy things we got to do. I literally still remember getting off the plane like it was last week. Everything from totally immersing ourselves into the culture, seeing wild animals traipse through our campsite, being stuffed into dola dolas that are already filled to the brim, to drinking blood and everything in between I'v had the time of my life. I know thats a cheesy thing to say but now as I'm facing going home its all that really comes to mind. I've learend more this semester than I ever have before and that's because, without grades, we were forced to really delve into what we thought about issues or things going on here, rather than just write a paper on what other people say. Im super excited to get home and see family and friends and of course cuddle with Mod and eat cereal but at the same time i DON'T want to leave. I'v cried already and i know the waterworks are coming tomorrow. Even listening to Tanzanian music and having so many memories of dancing to it with friends pop up, is making it really hard to say goodbye to Tanzania. There were definitely some rough parts of this trip but even those I'm glad I had. The biggest struggle I had here was the constant divide between Tanzanians and us because of our skin color. By the end we had meshed into the culture so well that I feel comfortable doing anything or going anywhere. I don't feel like the freshman on the first week of class with wide eyes and constantly nervous about fitting it. But even things like being a Mzungu which was really hard for me I think helped me really grow and realize the differences of power between people based on superficial things and how even skin color can automatically determine that. Even in Mazumbai where it didnt' bother me as much I was just so different from them that they were either really excited or really scared of me ( some of the kids actually were terrified of me). I was a celebrity for doing absolutely nothing and I hated it.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little scared in going back home. Everything there is now so knew and everything is going to be overwhelming. Even being able to understand EVERYTHING that people are saying is going to be so much constant information that we can take in. The vast amount of choices I'll have of food, clothes, places to go, and other things like that is going to be overwhelming. It's a hard thing to explain but trying to give this trip justice is impossible. I can't even put it into words myself. I'v adopted so much of this culture and find myself doing things subconsciously now that going back is going to be the exception not the norm. I remember leaving for Tanzania and being a little scared and nervous because I had no idea what to expect and now going home although not as strong I have some of those same feelings.
I don't want to go home but at the same time can't wait. I have such strong conflicting emotions that its hard to know what to feel. Saying goodbye has been hard and will only get harder when I have to say goodbye to the final groups of friends, Baba Jack and the Country but at the end of the day I'm lucky to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment